'The show must go on' Grieving Simon Cowell opens up about dealing with loss of mother

Simon Cowell's mother Julie died last month

GRIEF-STRICKEN Simon Cowell has opened up about his return to X Factor after the devastating loss of his beloved mother Julie Brett last month.

 

The 55-year-old talent judge – who was notoriously close to his mother – previously said that he endured "nine months of hell" as he watched his Julie die.

He was left distraught after she died at the age of 89, and cancelled the first round of X Factor auditions in Manchester and delayed filming the smash hit show.

 

But the courageous music mogul returned to critique the fame-hungry hopefuls just two days later, knowing in the back of his mind that Julie was the show's biggest fan.

Opening up for the first time about how he wrestled with the decision over whether to return to work or not, Simon said: "I thought about it long and hard. I gave myself two or three days. 

 

Simon was famously close to his beloved mother

Simon said Julie would have wanted him to return to X Factor

Cheryl Fernandez-Versini (centre)during the six-chair challenge stage for the ITV1 talent show, The X Factor.

"I know it sounds like a cliché, but having such a strong bond with my mum meant I knew exactly what she'd have said. It would have been: 'This is your show, you love the show, go back and do your job.'

"She was a former dancer, very much 'the show must go on'. I think she'd have been disappointed if I'd said 'I'm not going to do it.'"

The father-of-one, who often whisked Julie away on lavish holidays and showered her with luxurious gifts, said that filming the singing competition actually took his mind off his woes. 

"I'm not going to lie, there were times it was incredibly difficult," he said. "But then there were other times I was able to switch my mind off and concentrate on what was happening and the contestants."

 

Julie had suffered from a stroke months before her death and Simon had played the dutiful son, making regular visits to her bedside.

"It wasn't like my father’s death, which was a huge shock," he said. "I had my time with my mum to say goodbye. 

"The biggest regret you’d ever have is not to have the chance to say how you feel about someone. Not that there’s ever a good time for it to happen, and it is still all a bit raw. 

"I know I’ll miss her every day, but I also know I’m incredibly grateful to have had her. She was an optimist, my mum, and I think I’ve got that in me as well. I’m trying not to be the victim here."

X Factor returns to ITV on August 29.