I was born without a womb but now I'm mum to Finley, says Lizzie Smith

Lizzie Smith and six-month-old Finley

As SHE watched her six-month-old son Finley sit up for the first time, devoted mum Lizzie Smith clapped her hands with pride.

 

Like other new mothers, she delights in every milestone her baby reaches. 

But for Lizzie, 30, each new feat is extra special as she wants to make up for missing out on her son’s earliest moments. 

Although she was the first person to hold her little boy when he was born in May, Lizzie didn’t carry Finley or give birth to him herself. 

Instead she and her husband Mark, also 30, used a surrogate to bring their beloved baby into the world. 

“I didn’t get to experience all the kicking and cravings,” says college lecturer Lizzie. 

“But that doesn’t make me any less of a mum.”

Lizzie has known since she was a teenager that she would never be able to get pregnant but that didn’t stop her wanting a child. 

At 15 she was diagnosed with Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome, a rare congenital condition that affects the development of the reproductive system. 

In Lizzie’s case, her womb had failed to grow. 

“It was a shock but at the time I was completely unmoved when I was told I wouldn’t be able to carry a baby. I’d always loved animals and I told myself that I would get loads of pets instead.”

 

Halfway through the surrogate pregnancy Lizzie and Mark discovered they were having a boy

Even when she got together with Mark in her early 20s, the fact she wouldn’t be able to carry a child wasn’t an issue. 

I didn’t get to experience all the kicking and cravings but that doesn’t make me any less of a mum

Lizzie Smith

“We had been friends since our teens so he knew everything about me and I didn’t have to make a big announcement or anything. It was something we both accepted.” 

Besides, life was too busy to worry about babies. 

The couple had a frantic social life and fulfilling jobs, Lizzie teaching animal management at the local college and Mark as a duty manager at a nearby boys’ school. 

It was only after their wedding in 2011 they started to think about trying to start a family. 

“I remember watching Mark playing with a friend’s toddler and realising that he would make a wonderful dad,” recalls Lizzie. 

“My biological clock had definitely started ticking. 

“We thought about adoption but I was terrified that an adopted child would one day reject me which I know is terribly selfish,” she says. 

“Then we talked about surrogacy. In our minds it had always had a seedy reputation but when we started researching it more deeply, we realised we’d been wrong.” 

 

Lizzie and Mark hit it off instantly with their surrogate mother, Karla

As Lizzie has ovaries she thought it would be possible for her to have a child of her own, she just wouldn’t be able to carry it. 

So in 2013 the couple joined Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy (COTS), an organisation that puts prospective parents and surrogates in touch. 

“It was a daunting step as we didn’t know anyone who’d been through surrogacy but our friends and family were right behind us, which helped a lot,” says Lizzie. 

“However, we knew from the start we had a long road ahead of us as there is a real shortage of surrogate mothers.” 

Typically there is only one surrogate to every 20 couples hoping to become parents.

In the UK it is illegal for people to profit out of surrogacy but the amount of expenses paid to the surrogate mother typically ranges from £15,000 to £20,000. 

Lizzie and Mark had spent two years saving every penny to try to start a family and they were lucky enough to be accepted by a surrogate mother called Karla only a few months after joining COTS. 

By this point Lizzie had discovered that her own eggs weren’t good quality so the child conceived would be biologically Karla and Mark’s. 

However, this was something Lizzie was quick to come to terms with. 

“It honestly didn’t bother me,” she says. 

   

Last year, 167 babies were registered in Britain as born to a surrogate mother

“I just wanted a family.” 

I didn’t get to experience all the kicking and cravings but that doesn’t make me any less of a mum

Lizzie Smith

Mark and Lizzie hit it off brilliantly with Karla, who had already been a surrogate 10 times, as she shared their laid-back outlook on life and love of animals. 

“I knew I wouldn’t be able to go ahead unless I really liked Karla and right from the start I did,” says Lizzie. 

Lizzie admits she was anxious during Karla’s pregnancy. 

“I was probably more worried than if I’d been carrying the baby myself,” she says. 

“In those first few weeks Karla had a bleed and I remember being terrified as I waited for her to call from the hospital.” 

Lizzie and Mark made sure they were at every scan. 

“It was particularly important for me because at times I really felt as if it wasn’t happening at all,” adds Lizzie. 

“Everyone knew we were having a baby but I had no bump and my body wasn’t changing.” 

Halfway through the pregnancy Lizzie and Mark discovered they were having a boy and being able to give the baby a name helped to make it more real. 

 

But Lizzie still felt strangely removed from the whole thing, even though Karla kept in constant touch. 

“I was at an open evening at college when Karla’s partner texted to say she’d gone into labour three weeks early,” she says. 

“By the time we got to the hospital Finley had already arrived. As I took him in my arms I was amazed at how much he looked like his dad.” 

Yet there was no magical mother-baby moment. 

“I was delighted to have him but we didn’t bond straight away,” Lizzie says. 

“I just didn’t have time to process the whole thing – one minute I was teaching, the next I was a mother. I think there’s a reason why most women get nine months to get used to the idea.” 

Although she was unable to breastfeed, by the time the new family left the hospital two days later, Lizzie was besotted with her little lad. 

But there have been some difficult moments along the way. 

When Lizzie started going to her local baby clinic, other mums would want to compare notes on labour. 

She remembers one woman asking her how she had lost weight so quickly after the birth. 

“I told her that it was because I wasn’t there,” Lizzie says, laughing. 

She and Mark decided to be honest with people right from the start. 

“We aren’t ashamed of how Finley came into the world. Why would we be?” she says. 

“In fact, it makes him all the more special that we had to go to such lengths to get him.” 

Mark and Lizzie are still in touch with Karla and have seen her several times since Finley’s birth. 

“I can’t express the gratitude we feel towards her,” says Lizzie, who is keen for people to view surrogacy in a more positive light. 

“Without a surrogate like Karla we wouldn’t have our beautiful boy. She’s given us a family, which is one of the greatest gifts of all.” 

For more information on COTS visit surrogacy.org.uk