We had Sex and Something Strange Happened!

Love

Dear Uncle Reginald,

My boyfriend and I had sex and a few weeks later, we discovered we were both itchy in our genital areas. We postponed sex thinking it was just a yeast infection, his symptoms being redness and a bit of bumps, mine being itchy redness.

 

Two weeks later, we had sex again, thinking it was cleared, because we were symptom free and then it came back again. He has multiple bumps on and under his foreskin along with itchiness and redness. I feel slight itchiness and a little redness.

What might this be?

Kemi, Port-Harcourt

 

Dear Kemi,

It’s really surprising that you are not having protective sex. There are a few things it might be but I can’t really tell you exactly what it is although it does sound a bit like a yeast infection but you need to treat it to make it get better.

You’ll need to see a doctor and explain your symptoms, which is a bit embarrassing but that’s the best thing to do. I recommend going to see a doctor as you two should get a routine test for STIs, especially chlamydia, as well as make sure you’re using a reliable form of birth control. So get in to see a doctor as soon as you can,

 

I was raped

Dear Reginald,

I have been living in shame and most times, I’m very depressed. When I was living with my uncle, one of his friends did something very bad to me and I have not been able to say it out until now. I was violently raped and on my own, I went to the hospital.

I was told that I need to get a pap test and other tests as there could be damage from the force used. I’m really frightened about the whole idea of it. Do I have to be lying down and what do they do? It’s stressing me out! I’m 23 now but the rape happened when I was 22.

Chimaoke,

Enugu

 

Dear Chimaoke,

What happened to you was indeed very sad and I know how you feel. Having to have a genital examination, can be stressful for someone who has been raped, and so I think you need to hear, that these feelings you are having regarding the examination are completely normal.

Feeling depressed about your experience is to be expected and you shouldn’t have waited for this long before opening up. You could have spoken to a trusted friend or religious leader about your experience. It is not too late though as you need regular and consistent counselling to get out depression.

 

Her parents think we’re too young

Uncle Reginald,

My girlfriend and I are both 17.

We met this girl six months ago at a concert I went to with some friends. Before, during and after the gig, we got kind of gusting and poking each other. I added her on Facebook and we started speaking. I immediately felt that there was an attraction between us.

For sometime, we have been texting and speaking over Facebook and met up a few times. During these meet ups, we held hands, hugged and kissed. We admitted to liking each other, but here is the problem. I think it is ridiculous: her parents think we are too young. I’m almost 18 and she is t 17.

I need some advice on this issue because even though I have not known this girl for too long, I’ve found attraction in her and it’s a pain having to get over someone before moving on to someone else, and I don’t want to move on, I want to fight for what will make me happy because I know she’s worth it.

Kenny, Lekki, Lagos

 

Dear Kenny,

Her parents are right about the legal side of things. Both of you are still minors which means her parents are her legal guardians and responsible for her care and well-being.

So it’s legal for her to have that kind of relationship and her parents do have the right to have their views on who she dates and if she is old enough to be with you. It’s common for parents to have worries and concerns when their daughters start dating, regardless of age differences!

If you think this girl is worth the time and effort , offer to hang out with her at her house. Get to know her parents and let them to get to know you. It’s important to be respectful of their boundaries and show them you are willing to follow their rules.

It may take some time, but it’ll be worth it to earn their trust and they may become more relaxed. At almost 18 and 17 respectively, I expect both of you to be more focused on your education now and postpone serious relationship even though you can be platonic friends.

 

My mom is too protective

Uncle Reginald,

I’m worried about my mom and her attitude to my relationships. No lady seems good enough for me and she keeps sending them away. I’m currently dating my girlfriend for a year and a half now. Recently, my overly protective mother saw me and my girlfriend making out on the couch. And then she separated us and made my girlfriend leave!

My girlfriend later called and told me that if my mom is going to control our relationship, then we may as well just be friends. I told her that it was okay because my mom usually gets weird like that.

After my girl left, my mom got mad and told me that she wasn’t allowed near our house any more. I don’t know what to do! I really love my girlfriend and she really loves me, but my mom keeps getting between us and makes my girlfriend unsure if she still wants to date me!

It is not the first time. What should I do about my overly protective mom? Would I be able to settle down in a married relationship because the way she is going, an angel has to come down from heaven to meet her standard for me.

I am 25, a University graduate and I’m working but I live with my mom. I like that setting but she is encroaching too much into my affairs.

Bobby, Benin

 

Dear Bobby,

While you are living with your mom in her house, you need to stick to her rules I’m afraid! The best advice is to try to compromise with her show her that you are prepared to meet her half way. Maybe you could explain to your mom that you really love your girlfriend and you would really like to have her blessing for you to be together.

You could put it to your mom that you invite your girlfriend around to lunch over a weekend. Maybe you could offer to cook so that your mom and girlfriend have a chance to get to know each other. Or, you could invite your mom and your girlfriend out for lunch somewhere on “neutral ground” so your girlfriend doesn’t feel intimidated by your mom.

Your mom won’t be able to stop you from seeing your girlfriend unless your girlfriend decides she has had enough but she will be able to make life hard for you both. Try to work it out the most diplomatic way you can. If this fails, you may just have to stick to mom’s rules in the house.

Maybe you could spend more time with your girlfriend and her family. Who knows—maybe if you do that, then your mom might miss you and decide to be a bit more hospitable to your girlfriend. If you are being respectful of your mom’s house rules but encouraging open communication between your mom and your girlfriend, hopefully you will get the outcome you want.