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| Karen has opened up about her crippling fear of the toilet |
A woman has revealed how her phobia of toilets became so severe she was left writhing in physical pain.
Karen Rubins-Lawrie's suffered panic attacks thinking about public loos, her most feared toilets.
"At my worst I'd hold on until I was in pain. I have a phobia of being sick too so that's particularly traumatising when clinging to a toilet bowl. "On one occasion, I was so traumatised I started screaming in a horrible metal public bathroom in a car park in Sandwich, Kent." The Brighton resident has been scared of toilets since she was a child, and it resulted in her frequently wetting herself as a child so she didn't have to use the toilet. Karen said: "As a child, I used to have accidents – especially on holiday – simply because I was too scared to use the toilet," she said. "It's an awful thing to be afraid of because there's no getting away from it. "The toilet facilities at many of my jobs have left a lot to be desired, but I have no choice but to use them. "If I'm desperate I'll go, but probably come flying out of the door at top speed waving my alcohol hand gel around." As well as unclean or broken toilets, Karen struggles with metal ones or those lit with UV lights. Her own toilet – which she endeavours to keep clean – is the only one she rarely has problems with.
Over the years, she has learned to manage her phobia, and has worked with charity Anxiety UK to raise awareness of how debilitating phobias can be.
Karen now uses simple tricks like counting to calm herself down and take her mind off her anxiety. She explained: "I generally just have to keep reminding myself that in a minute or two I'll be out of there. "Sometimes I try and only go in public toilets if other people are in them too so I'm not alone and that makes me feel less afraid. "I've never had any treatment to cure my phobia. I think I've just calmed down over the years because I've had to. "I've used some pretty horrific, dirty, noisy toilets in my time, I feel like I can accomplish almost any bathroom now. I could even use a portaloo if I absolutely had to. "I've learned not to let it govern my life, although I do worry about toilet breaks. If I spot a nice one I'll go just so I don't have to go to a horrible one later on." It's not just this chronic phobia causing Karen misery, she also suffers from fibromyalgia, a condition that causes pain all over the body. Is the first to admit that she understands people may find her fears amusing, but is speaking out in a bid to reach those also battling unusual phobias. "Friends do tease me," she said. "Everyone thinks it's really funny, but it's really not - it's absolutely terrifying. "Battling a phobia feels like you're alone, but you're not. "There are lots of people suffering out there, in varying degrees, and anxiety and phobia charities out there to help. "I just wish I had found them earlier." For more information, please visit www.anxietyuk.org.uk
Speaking about her ordeal, the 29-year-old said: "It was awful. I couldn't breathe seeing the horrible toilets.
"But I'm not entirely sure what I'm scared of. For some reason I've always thought the toilet is going to 'get me'."
She added: "I'm not even sure myself what that means but I feel it. And I'm worried about the germs, or that it will flush when I'm using it.
"If the toilet is dirty, or in a noisy room with pipes and is dark and cold, then that doesn't help. I can't use a toilet without a seat, wherever I am and whoever's toilet it is.
I was so traumatised I started screaming in a horrible metal public bathroom in a car park in Sandwich
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| The Brighton resident avoids using any toilet other than her own |
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