How to your Stop My Parents From Quarrelling and Fighting

Love

Dear Reginald,

My parents fight all the time and this is becoming embarrassing. I cannot invite my friends to my house when my parents are around because it really bothers me that something can break out between them and you can imagine my shame.

Why is my own case different? I visit my friends at their homes and even spends weekends with them but none of my friends can come to my place. It’s not that they don’t want but I cannot let them because my parents are always fighting. How do I stop my parents fighting?

Laila, Auchi

 

Dear Laila,

Everyone disagrees from time to time. Even people who care about each other a lot may not always agree on everything.  When people feel really strongly about something, it may be difficult to stay calm and arguments start which can become more heated. Seeing your parents argue or fight can be difficult. It may seem, and may even be that they don’t love each other anymore.

You might be worried that they are going to split up. You may also be worried that you’re to blame for them arguing. Sometimes, parents end up feeling differently about their lives and each other to how they did when they they got married. It may take them a bit of time to work out how to deal with it and they may need the help of a professional, like a counsellor.

Some parents find that the only way to sort things out is to live apart. The most important thing to remember is that it’s not your fault. How your parents feel about each other is not your responsibility.

It’s not unusual in these situations to feel forced to take a side. Do your parents ever try to involve you in their arguments? It important that they understand how you feel and how worried and upset you are over what’s happening between them. If it’s difficult speaking to them about this, you could try asking an adult you trust, like a grandparent, teacher or school counsellor.  It’s sometimes easier to speak to someone like this, about problems involving your parents. Such a person may also be helpful in getting your parents to understand how you feel.

Sometimes, fighting can go too far, like when there’s yelling, name calling and insulting language. It’s not okay for anyone in the family to be treated with disrespect. If this is happening, then it would definitely be a good idea to get someone else involved. But always remember, your parents’ arguments are never your fault. Parents are responsible for their own actions and behaviors, no matter how much they are provoked by another person.

 

I have a crush on my best friend’s brother

Aunty Julie,

I think a shameful thing has happened to me. I have a crush on my best friend’s brother. I’m 18 and he is in his 20s. I’ve known him and my best friend since I was 10 and I started to like him when I was 12, just because we talk to each other so much and make each other laugh. There was a time where I was at my best friend’s house and she went to have a shower and I was outside and he came outside and we talked and started laughing and playing basketball and having a good time. I just haven’t ever met a guy like him.

Recently he asked me out and I didn’t know what to say at the time so I told him I’d think about it which was stupid cause I have a massive crush on him, but I know my best friend would hate it and it would be awkward for us. I still haven’t gotten back to him about hanging out. Should I?

Ufuoma, Edo

 

Dear Ufuoma,

I think you did the right thing by telling your best friend’s brother you’d think about it. I don’t think it’s stupid. You’ve got a lot to consider before you take any action here, and you clearly are a good friend. If you want to go out with this guy, you need to talk to your best friend about what is going on because it wouldn’t be right to start anything up behind her back. She’d just end up feeling betrayed by her brother and her best friend.

So, tell this guy that you are interested but need some time to talk to your friend about it. He should understand this if he wants to do the right thing by his sister. Just be honest with her and see what she says. She may initially be shocked or against the idea, but if you tell her how you feel, hopefully she will come around to the idea. Her brother could even talk to her too, just so she understands that this is something that matters to both of you.

It may take her some time, but if she just can’t feel comfortable about it, you will need to decide whether it is worth damaging or even losing your friendship with her to be with him.

My dad shouts at me all the time

 

Dear Uncle Reginald,

I think I’m beginning to hate my father. He is too rude to me all time. He shouts at me and doesn’t seem to regard me at all. I can’t find happiness when he is around me . I have two brothers: one bigger and one smaller. Whenever my bigger or smaller brother does something, he always turns their fault on me. He doesn’t let me play games or watch TV. My brothers have mp3s, TV games but I have nothing . Are you sure I’m his child. I’m 19.

Azeez, Ondo

 

Dear Azeez,

It appears you are going through a difficult time with your dad. This may be having an effect on your happiness and how you feel about yourself, especially if your dad is yelling at you, putting you down or calling you names. At some point in their lives, most teenagers will say they hate their parents. We say this for different reasons, such as feeling like our parents are not being fair, are being too strict, or aren’t letting us do the things we want to do.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you have not been getting along well with your dad for a long time now. From what you have said, it’s difficult to say why your dad may be picking on you and favouring your other brothers over you. Parents can be difficult to get along with at times, but remember they were young once as well. Your dad may have had similar issues with his dad and may not know how to act any differently.

If you haven’t already, try being kind to your brothers, and being polite to your dad even if he is rude to you. This can be really hard to do, but two wrongs don’t make a right. If you think you can, try being open and honest with your dad and finding a good time to talk with him about how his behaviour affects you. Try also talking to another adult you trust about how you feel and what’s happening to you.